One of the posts this morning, was not very fun at all. In fact, I found it rather (not)shocking. You know that feeling, the whole, "Oh my lanta, I'm so (not) shocked!" It's becaue of this awful world. Anyway, a 19 year old from Florida killed himself on the internet with an audience of about 1500 people. Abraham Biggs intentionally overdosed on pills in front of over a thousand people watching on their computer screens. Justin.tv is an open network of hundreds of streaming chanels, and is a medium for students (or anyone) to use streaming media.
Abraham had posted suicide notes on forums prior to him taking the pills. In fact, he had done things like this so many times before, the moderators of these sites didn't take it seriously enough to do anything when he decided to do it for real. His note read:
"I am an asshole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will
never change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am not good enough for her. Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain."
If that isn't bad enough, they were people online who were egging him on to do it. They WANTED to see him kill himself. Still there were those who even after his body lay there completely lifeless, continued to mock and jeer at him and acusing him of staging the whole thing.
This is so saddening to me, and yet the sadder part is that most of me is not phased by this at all. I'm sad because I know it happened. I'm sad because of his confusion, his anger, his self-loathing, his feeling of worthlessness. I am also quite shocked at how much people change when they're posting in public forums, but that'll be for a different entry.
I think for this to hit home for most of us, we need to think about the point he was driven to, rather than the actual act of killing himself. Think of the times where life has seemed so hopeless and dark. We've all been there.
Think about the time where you were most hurt, scared, angry, or confused. This poor kid had it so bad, that the only way in his mind to get it to go away, was to kill himself. We are so quick to judge and say "Oh, suicide is selfish," blah blah blah. I'm not condoning suicide, but I really do hate it when people have no sympathy for them. That's a dangerous place to be at.
Didn't mean to get all preachy. Just wanted to point a few things. Things that I found, thought-worthy, I guess. My goal wasn't to ruin anyone's day, but like always, to get you to think about things in a different way.
RIP Abraham Biggs
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